There's Something About Ryoga
by Jose Argao
Summary: Ryoga accidentally splashes himself with a potion and develops a strange power.


Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi. All  
other animes referred to in passing are the property of their   
respective owners. I am not making any money off this, so don't sue  
me.  
  
Warning: This may have already been done before, and done better. I'm  
not sure.   
  
There's Something About Ryoga  
By: Jose Argao  
  
  
"How about this, what does it do?" Ryoga turned the bottle of  
liquid idly in his hands. It was oddly unmarked, unlike the rest of the  
'Magical Items' in the shop. The fruit he had bought for Akane had gone  
bad, as three month old food tended to, and he needed to get some new   
souvenirs for her.  
  
The shopkeeper turned to him. "Be careful with that, we don't   
want you spilling any of it onto yourself or anything like that."  
  
Ryoga turned the bottle carefully in his hand. It did not stand  
out in any way from the other bottles of 'Magic Potions' located in the  
store, aside from the fact that there was no way to tell what was in it.   
It was just a small transparent bottle with some red liquid inside.   
  
He regarded the shopkeeper curiously. "Why? What's it supposed   
to do?"  
  
The shopkeeper closed his eyes for a few minutes. Suddenly,   
with a deep voice he used only for special storytelling sessions such  
as this, he began his tale.  
  
"Many thousands of years ago, there was a very powerful warrior  
who traveled from country to country challenging all the best fighters  
he could find. He was searching for a man who could defeat him. Someone  
who would provide him with a reason to better his skills, a reason to   
live.  
  
He was a great fighter, and could not find a worthy opponent   
despite the many miles he traveled. Everywhere he went, he was able to  
best his opponents without even breaking a sweat. He was not affected   
by his failure, however, for he continued searching the countryside for   
that one elusive opponent whom he could challenge as an equal."  
  
The shopkeeper opened his eyes and turned his eyes to the   
heavens. He slowly brought it down to bear upon his audience. Seeing   
that he had Ryoga's full and undivided attention, he continued his   
story.  
  
"Then, one day, while he was walking to the next town on his  
list, he found a strange bush he had never seen before. It had the most  
beautiful and luscious green leaves, and he found himself fascinated by  
its beauty.  
  
Taking a few more steps, he found that on its branches were   
dozens of small red berries. Suddenly, he was hit by the aroma. It was  
unlike anything his nose had ever encountered. At that moment he knew  
he had to try one of them. Alas, they proved to be poisonous, and he  
died there"  
  
The shopkeeper finished the story with a dramatic wave of his   
hand. Ryoga paused for a while, then shouted at the shopkeeper as loud  
as he could.  
  
"What the hell did that story have to do with this potion!"  
  
The shopkeeper turned to him, and after closing his eyes again,  
spoke calmly. "Absolutely nothing."  
  
Ryoga facefaulted.  
  
After picking himself up from the floor, Ryoga asked again.   
"Well, what _is_ it supposed to do?"  
  
The shopkeeper smiled. "I'm not so sure myself. That bottle has  
been passed down in our family from generation to generation with only  
the warning that no man should spill any of its contents onto himself.  
It is said to have strange effects on martial artists. Though as to   
what those effects are exactly, I have no idea."  
  
Ryoga looked confusedly at the shopkeeper. "Well, I guess I'd   
better get going then. I haven't found anything that will suit my   
purposes."  
  
The shopkeeper returned to whatever he was doing before he   
began talking to Ryoga. "Well, come again."  
  
Ryoga turned around, walked back into the direction he was   
originally facing, and slammed into the shelf.  
  
The shopkeeper looked to see where the sound had come from.   
Turning to the direction Ryoga had been, he saw the directionally   
challenged martial artist sprawled in a heap of pieces of shelf and  
broken glass. He was at Ryoga's side in a flash and rummaging through  
the pieces frantically. When he found what he was looking for, his   
eyes went wide with fear.  
  
"Oh no! You've broken the bottle! Now it's all on you! Please  
sir, you must leave now. There is no telling what might happen."  
  
Ryoga jumped up at the mention of the precious bottle breaking.  
He quickly checked to see if he was all there.  
  
'Hmmm... feet, legs, arms, body, head, all here.' He turned to  
the now panicking shopkeeper.  
  
"Hey, I don't feel any different. Are you sure you have the   
right bottle?"  
  
The shopkeeper checked the broken glass in his hands. "I am   
very sure sir. The potion will not take effect until a few days or so.  
In the meantime, I suggest you have fun while you still can."  
  
Ryoga walked up to the door, or at least, tried to walk up to  
the door. After a few false starts, he was finally on his way out.   
Before he could leave, however, the shopkeeper called him anew.  
  
"Sir, before you leave..."   
  
Ryoga stopped and turned to him. "Yeah, what is it this time?"   
  
"That will be ten thousand yen for the merchandise you broke."  
  
A disgruntled Ryoga paid up and left, muttering to himself.  
"Magical potion, yeah right."   
  
He remembered the last time he was fooled into believing in   
those things. It was supposed to be a cure for his curse. As it turned  
out, it was just acid. His tongue still stung from that one.  
  
Later that night, he camped out and slept in an empty lot. The  
next morning, after cooking and eating breakfast, he decided to go to  
the Tendo Dojo. He still hasn't found another souvenir, but he needed   
the rest.  
  
Roughly an hour later, he found himself walking in front of the   
gates of Furinkan High. It was still pretty early, so there weren't   
that many students around. In fact, there was only Kuno. Apparently,  
he was an early riser.   
  
'Must be that annoying laugh of his sister's,' Ryoga thought.  
As he drew closer, he heard Kuno musing to himself.  
  
"Ah, yes. Today I shall finally defeat that foul sorcerer Ranma  
Saotome and claim Akane and the pig-tailed goddess for myself." Kuno's   
eyes glazed over as he imagined Akane and the pig-tailed girl clinging  
to him while Ranma groveled in the background.  
  
Now, Ryoga couldn't agree more with the defeating Saotome part,  
or the part about the foul sorcerer, for that matter. He did have a   
problem with the claiming Akane for himself part, however. With a loud  
shout, he began his attack.  
  
"You'll do no such thing! I'll not allow it!" Ryoga started by  
throwing a barrage of bandannas at Kuno.  
  
Kuno deflected them with lightning fast thrusts of his bokken.  
"I suggest you yield right now, while you are still unhurt. The great  
Tatewaki Kuno shall not be defeated by common folk such as yourself!"  
  
Ryoga found this man more annoying the longer he fought with  
him. He flipped behind Kuno and prepared to deliver a punch to the  
kendoist. He was surprised when Kuno anticipated his move and turned  
around. He was barely able to dodge the thrust that came at him. He  
had to admit, the guy was fast. Not nearly as fast as Ranma, of course,  
but fast nonetheless.   
  
"You may be fast, but not fast enough!" Quickly recovering his  
balance, Ryoga succeeded in landing a blow to Kuno's stomach. That's   
when it happened.  
  
Actually, Ryogawasn't sure what 'it' was. He only knew that   
whatever 'it' was, 'it' happened just then.   
  
'Well,' Ryoga thought to himself, 'no time to think about that  
now.'  
  
Kuno was now getting back up on his feet. He looked at Ryoga  
closely, as if studying every inch of his body for an opening. Ryoga  
dropped into a stance in anticipation of the attack.   
  
Just then, Kuno spoke once more. "You there, Ryoga is it not?"   
  
Ryoga nodded slowly. "Yeah, what's it to you?"  
  
Kuno closed his eyes and put his fingers to his chin. "Very   
well, Ryoga, wandering warrior,"   
  
He opened his eyes and shouted with full force "Ryoga I shall  
DATE WITH YOU."  
  
Ryoga chuckled softly. 'It doesn't matter what technique you  
use on me, I'll just... huh?'  
  
In a flash, Ryoga found himself glomped by a deranged Kuno   
whispering things to him that would be better left unsaid for the   
purposes of keeping this fic from becoming a lemon.  
  
"Get." Ryoga managed to drive a palm against Kuno's face in a  
futile attempt to free himself from the death grip.  
  
"Your." By now more and more people were coming to school. More  
and more people were crowding around them.  
  
"Hands." loud whispering could be heard.   
  
"Hey, isn't that Ryoga with Kuno? You know, the guy who's   
always lost?"  
  
"I can't believe it, all those fights with Ranma must have   
finally gotten to him."  
  
"I always knew there was something strange about Kuno."  
  
"Well, you really never can tell, can you?"  
  
"OFF ME!" With the last of his strength, Ryoga threw Kuno   
straight into low earth orbit.   
  
For a few moments, Ryoga just stood there, panting for breath.  
In a few seconds, he found himself glomped anew from behind.  
  
"Do not try to deny our love, my sweet. Come, we shall make   
beautiful music together!"  
  
It was in this position that Ryoga heard that which he had been  
fearing the most for the past few minutes.  
  
"Hey! Wait up you uncute tomboy!" Ranma was running to school,  
chasing after an irate Akane.  
  
"Shut up, Ranma! We're gonna be late for school!" Akane  
continued running.  
  
Ranma replied calmly, the portrait of nonchalance. "Aw, it's no   
big deal. Just a... Hey, check it out!"  
  
Akane stopped and gaped at what she saw. Kuno was glomping onto  
a blushing Ryoga with all his might, declaring his undying love for the  
eternal lost boy to whomever would listen.  
  
Ryoga, upon seeing Akane staring at him, started talking   
incoherently. "Akane... it's not like that... not what it seems... I   
haven't a clue... not like this..."  
  
Kuno would have none of it, however. "Why do you persist upon  
hiding what we have? I realize that you feel it is special and private  
but can you not see that it is so perfect that we must shout it out to  
the world? I am not afraid to show my true feelings, neither should   
you, my love!"  
  
Akane slowly walked up to Ryoga. "Ryoga... I... I had no idea  
you were... that way. I mean, you were always so manly, fighting with  
Ranma, bickering with Ranma, spending time... with... Oh my God! It all  
makes sense now."  
  
Ryoga paused for a moment and tried to ignore the way Kuno was   
touching him in places he didn't want to be touched in order to let the  
words Akane spoke sink in. A few moments later, he turned an even   
brighter shade of red.  
  
"No! Akane, you have to believe me! It's not like that between   
me and Ranma. I hate him!"   
  
Akane went up to him, punted Kuno away with practiced ease, and  
gave him a hug. As Ryoga melted in happiness, she whispered softly to  
his ear.  
  
"Don't worry Ryoga. I'll always be there for you."  
  
Ryoga felt a flood of relief.  
  
"Even if you are... that way."  
  
Ryoga's eyes opened wide, and he let go of Akane. As he backed  
away from her slowly, he struggled to hide the tears that were now   
forming in his eyes. Suddenly, a loud crash was heard. Everyone turned  
to see where it had come from. Ryoga, happy to have the attention away   
from him, had a look for himself.  
  
Mousse was currently trying to extricate himself from the   
remains of what used to be an oncoming car as Shampoo sped away in her   
bicycle. Raising his glasses to his eyes, he called out to the   
retreating form.  
  
"Shampoo, wait for me I... I... I've had it with you!" Mousse  
stood up, dusted his clothes off, and started walking towards the   
school. At least, he thought it was towards the school. Peeling himself  
off of the electric post he hit, he adjusted his glasses and went to  
the school, going in the correct direction this time.  
  
Shampoo stopped. If Mousse had told her that monkeys were   
flying out of his butt, she would have at least considered it. If he  
had told her that aliens had visited Nerima and were sexually molesting  
all the goldfish they could find, she would have been a lot more   
carefularound pet stores that day. But to say he's had enough? Mousse  
didn't talk that way. Not Mousse, not poor pathetic Mousse who could  
always serve as an effective, if a little annoying, ego booster.  
  
She dropped her vehicle and turned to him. "What you saying,  
Mousse? Stop this silly talk."  
  
Mousse eyed her coldly, or as coldly as he could considering he  
was wearing glasses thick enough to stop bullets in their tracks.  
  
"No, _you_ stop your silly talk. Who needs an Amazon bimbo like  
you anyway? I certainly don't. Not when what I have with Ryoga is so   
much more... fulfilling."  
  
Shampoo froze in shock. Exactly two seconds later, she regained   
her composure and bounded off in search of Ranma, saying something   
about how duck boy had snapped and they could finally have a future   
together.  
  
Mousse turned to Ryoga, who was _trying_ to quietly slink away  
but failing miserably as he was crawling around in circles. Ryoga   
quicklyfound himself surrounded by chains with hearts, chocolates, and  
little Sailormoon action figures stuck to their ends.  
  
Mousse pulled Ryoga to his side and turned a little, allowing  
his glasses to glint as it caught a ray of sunlight. "Come, my love.   
Let us travel to China where we can live together in peace away from   
all the troubles here in Nerima!"  
  
Ryoga looked around. By now, most of the students had already  
arrived. Nabiki was videotaping the event for posterity. Akane was   
shouting to him about how it was okay even if his sexual preferences  
were a bit more masculine than she had previously thought. Ranma was no  
where to be found. In a rare moment of insight, he briefly wondered why   
no one was saying anything about the others, just him. He didn't have  
the time to worry about it for too long, however, since in the distance  
Kuno was already running back.  
  
With speed that belied the laws of physics, Kuno arrived within  
seconds. "Akane, I understand that you may feel a tad jealous to lose a  
fine specimen of manhood such as myself to Ryoga, but... UNHAND him,   
you cur!"  
  
Mousse adjusted his glasses and faced his new opponent. "Or   
you'll what, may I inquire?"   
  
Kuno charged, bokken at the ready. Mousse produced a fan of   
blades from his sleeves. In moments, the battle had begun. Blows were  
exchanged, property was destroyed, and bets were made as they fought  
earnestly.   
  
At this point, classes had long since begun yet no one was   
inside the school yet. Principal Kuno went outside to make them enter   
by force, only to be stopped by Ms. Hinako, who said something about  
principals having to work in their offices that nobody listened to.  
  
While everyone was distracted, Ryoga finally found the gate.  
Careful not to let it out of his sight, he moved towards it.   
Unfortunately for him, one of the latecomers chose that exact moment to  
make her presence known.  
  
"For the last time, Konatsu. I've already done my laundry, I'm   
done brushing my teeth, I already took a bath, and _no_ I most   
certainly do _not_ need any help scrubbing my back!" Ukyo was running  
like her life depended on it, Konatsu hot on her heels.  
  
"But Mistress Kuonji, you forgot your bento!" Konatsu   
produced a bento box with little ribbons and hearts decorating it.  
  
Suddenly, Konatsu stopped. He looked around, ignoring the   
battle raging just three meters away. He looked at Ryoga. Ryoga   
cringed. By now, he had learned that look by heart, and prepared   
himself for some serious glomping.   
  
'At least it's a pretty girl,' he thought to himself as Konatsu   
unleashed his Crimson Storm attack, pelting him with kisses.  
  
Ukyo was dumbstruck. She stood there motionless until Akane   
came to her side, educating her as to how things were with Ryoga and   
how they shouldn't allow it to change their treatment of their friend.  
  
"I'm not sure, sugar. But if you say so, I guess I could learn  
to adjust to how Ryoga's... that way."  
  
'So _that's_ why he seemed so uncomfortable around girls,' Ukyo  
thought while she watched Konatsu work on Ryoga. 'And Konatsu's been   
acting strangely these past few days too.'  
  
"Wait a minute! If girls are falling in love with me now, I   
must be getting worse," Ryoga wailed loudly.  
  
Konatsu smiled at him sweetly. "Do not worry, my love. Your  
fears are unfounded." He gently rubbed his crotch against Ryoga's   
thigh. Ryoga screamed at what he felt.  
  
"Get.. get away from me!" Ryoga once again extricated himself   
from a glomp, but was showing signs of exhaustion by now. Mousse and  
Kuno stopped. They looked around, realizing that they had been ignoring  
the object of their affections. Finding their target, they were none   
too pleased with what they saw.  
  
"Let go of Ryo-chan right now, or face the divine wrath of   
Tatewaki Kuno!"  
  
"If you value your life, you shall end your infatuation with  
Ryo-chan!"  
  
"Ryo-chan is mine," they shouted in unison.  
  
Konatsu, Mousse, and Kuno shot each other icy glares. The   
battle began anew with a new participant.  
  
"Kunoichi special attack!"  
  
"Ow! That hurt you know."  
  
"Take this, and this, and this!"  
  
"Moon Healing Escalator!"  
  
"My glasses! I lost my glasses!"  
  
"Mouko Takabisha!"  
  
Ryoga watched with fascination as all three combatants were  
blown away in a giant blast coming from Ranma's hands. He heaved a sigh   
of relief as a now female Ranma grabbed him, slung him over her   
shoulder, and jumped to a secluded room.  
  
"Man, that's quite a following you've got there, huh?" Ranma  
put down Ryoga and stretched her limbs.  
  
"Thanks, Ranma. Guess I owe you one this time." Ryoga slumped  
down into a sitting position, glad that it was finally over.  
  
"Yeah, they were giving you a hard time huh?" Ranma continued  
standing.  
  
"Boy, did they! I thought I was gonna die," Ryoga replied   
between deep breaths.  
  
"I wouldn't treat ya like that."  
  
"I know you wouldn't, Ranma." Ryoga stopped as Ranma's words  
finally sunk in. "WHAT?"  
  
"I can make you happy you know." Ranma grabbed his wrists and  
pinned them to his side. "In ways that the others can only hope for."  
  
Ryoga started praying to all the Gods he knew of. Try as he   
would, he was unable to escape from Ranma's grip. He was just too   
tired.  
  
Ranma moved his (or her, if you prefer) head towards Ryoga's,   
and puckered his lips. Ryoga closed his eyes and hoped for the best.   
Just as their lips were about to meet, the door slammed open.  
  
"There he is, I found him!" Konatsu turned to his temporary   
allies and pointed at Ranma and Ryoga.  
  
"Hey! We were sharing a private moment here!" Ranma let go of   
his captive and stood up to face Konatsu. This was all the opportunity  
Ryoga needed. With adrenaline induced speed, he bounded out the door   
and ran for his life, the others hot in pursuit.  
  
"Why do you run from me, my love? Can't you see how much I love  
thee?"  
  
"Ryoga, get your ass over here or you're bacon, you hear me?"  
  
"Come with me to China where we can consummate our desires   
without interruptions!"  
  
"Kunoichi Special Delaying Tactic: Crimson Storm!"  
  
Ryoga looked back at his pursuers, and decided not to stop.   
Unfortunately for him, the tree he hit made the decision for him.   
  
Then, with perfect timing, the shopkeeper appeared and doused  
Ranma and the others with another liquid. They all stopped and looked  
at each other sheepishly.  
  
The shopkeeper turned to Ryoga. "That will be fifty thousand  
yen, thank you." He took the money from Ryoga's pack and left.  
  
Kuno looked angrily at his bokken. "Well, that was certainly   
the work of that foul sorcerer Ranma!"  
  
Ranma heard it all. "Hey! Who are you calling foul?"  
  
"Pig-tailed girl!" Kuno glomped onto Ranma.   
  
"Let go of me, you jerk!" Ranma shoved Kuno's face into the   
ground, produced a kettle from hyperspace, and turned himself back  
into a male. After Kuno got up, Mousse finally spoke.  
  
"This is all the fault of one person and one person alone."  
  
They all turned to Ryoga, and that was the last thing he  
remembered before the searing pain.  
  
Ryoga awoke in his tent the next morning. 'Whew,' he thought.  
'It was only a dream.' He paused to scratch his back. 'Man, that fur's  
itchy... WHA!' Ryoga turned to look at his side, where a panda held   
up a sign reading, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"  
  
Ryoga's screams echoed throughout Nerima.  
End  
  
Author's notes:   
  
Why did I write this? Well, the fishing rod of love story was  
what inspired me the most. I certainly hope you found it at least   
amusing.  
  
"They weren't meant to be together I guess."  
-Nabiki Tendo 


End file.
